Oh What a Year! A Review of 2017; SneakPeak at 2018

Hey lovelies! Welcome to the last blog post of 2017! *throws confetti*  Hope everyone is having a lovely New Years Eve. I myself am spending a quiet New Years Eve at home because it's so freaking cold here! But I'll happily ring in the New Year eating Chinese take-out, drinking Raspberry Champagne, playing Harry Potter Clue with my parents and watching The Thin Man movie series (aka, one of my favorite movies of all time).
About to get wrecked!
Also I have a party hat

(This face is how I feel about this year tbh)

   Honestly, I'm happy to see 2017. It was a really rough year for me personally. I feel like a lot of things changed but nothing really changed if you know what I mean. I changed jobs a few times, I started the year in a strained, in hindsight, toxic relationship, and now I'm single. Still, I'm basically in the same position that I was in last December, which is the absolute last place I wanted to be.
   As I'm writing this, I'm facing the vision board I created last January (yes, from The Secret) that is full of things I wanted to achieve by the end of the year and all the good things I wanted to happen to me. I thought by creating a vision board I could use the "law of attraction" to get me the things I wanted or thought I wanted. '
      Not a single one idea on my vision board came to reality folks.
   So I sit here, feeling pretty darn sorry for myself because I'm just as depressed, just as hopeless, just as miserable as I was last Dec. 31, only now I'm hella a lot colder. I feel like I don't really have much to celebrate.
    And this is what I hate about the concept of New Year Eve, that we pressure ourselves into having these big goals and "resolutions" only to feel like a failure if we have a bad year because we are, heaven forbid, human.
    It's hard to live up to our own fantasies.

   But I'm so over the negatives, here are the two positive things I have learned in 2017.

Friendships As I mentioned above, and in a lot of my blog posts, 2017 was a rough one for me. I was going through a lot of personal and emotional issues that are still painful today. My depression and E.D really controlled my like, and kinda kicked my ass. To add fuel to this tire fire that is my existence, my longest romantic relationship ended in January after an exhausting few months of through what can only be described as a waking nightmare trying to save a relationship that turned toxic. The months that followed were filled with me coming to terms with what happened and try to not only to understand that I was emotionally abused during the end of our relationship, but that I didn't deserve to be treated like that. It's something I'm still trying to learn.
     So, being in already dark place before ending that relationship I had the "bright" idea of just ending all the relationships in my life. I thought by cutting everyone I loved and cared about out of my life forever, I thought I was protecting them from me. I feel like I was such a mess, such a screw-up that no one should ever be around me. I didn't want to burden anyone with my presents anyone. I thought everyone would be relieved when I stopped talking.
    And a lot of people did leave my life.
    However, to my great surprise, some people fought to stay in my life. People who stood by me through ALL of my bullshit and made a real effort to be there for me, not matter how hard I pushed them away (trust me, I don't make anything easy). I cannot put into words how grateful I am to the people who loved me when I wasn't very lovable.
      I also made a lot of new friends this year that I now cannot picture my life without. I've been so lucky to meet such wonderful, talented, kind people that have been a pleasure to get to know. You all rock!
   So I guess the biggest lesson I learned this year is that people may come and go, but real genuine love always stays with you.

Writing Writing saved me this year. This is not an exaggeration, I am 100% serious that I wouldn't be here if I didn't have my craft. After a terrible case of writer's block at the start of the year, I came in full force, I think it kinda paid off. Not only did I co-teach a Creative Writing Group that I am insanely proud of, but I placed in a few writing contest (check me out here and here). I had some of my creative writing published (who paid me), took on a lot of different freelance jobs and even did a lot of magazine and newspaper writing, that really solidified what I want to do.
   I also came back to the blog this year after two years of very random posting, I am pleasantly surprised how happy writing weekly post made me. I don't have as many readers as I used too, but I love everyone reading this I am doing this blog for me because it makes me happy. Right now that's enough.
    Overall, 2017 gave me a lot of confidence as a writer and that making the decision to become a freelance writer was the biggest mistake ever. Currently, I am looking for an agent to represent my COMPLETELY FINISHED novel, and writing two other novels (a speculative romance fiction, and a quasi-memoir, respectively). I hope I can keep doing what I love and that all the effort I put in leads to something fantastic.

So What's Up with 2018?
I'm both nervous and excited for 2018. Excited because things can't possibly get any worse, and nervous because they certainly can get worse. I guess the thing about the beginnings is that you can only hope that the journey is good.
   So I am starting 2018 by throwing away the vision board and replacing it with this:

I've wanted a "line-a-day" journal for a while now but wasn't sure I should get one because I honestly didn't think I'd live one more year, let alone five. I was in such a bad place at the start of the year that each day was a struggle to keep going. So, I recently purchased this journal as both a present to myself and a promise to take it one day at a time. Because our lives are a journey, not a timeline of achievements.
  And hey, maybe by 2023, my life will be totally different in the best way possible *fingers crossed*

  So, while I'm not a "new year, new me," person and I've stopped putting a deadline on my dreams, I am coming in with a certain "self-help" outlook, which is: I am letting myself be open to good things, whatever they may look like. I know I will survive whatever comes my way, but as of January 1 2018, I am ready for good things, and I'm ready to heal. I have planted the seed, and I will see the harvest.

So here a toast to my real friends, my work, and the crazy journey of life; hoping for the best with all the above. I'm here for the ride folks.

As a parting gift to the final blog post of 2017, here is a quote from the Jan 1 section of my Jane-a-Day journal.
 "There is Nothing I would not do for those who are my really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature." 
-Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

Stay Stylin,
Elle